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Your strength > my weakness

May 10, 2018

Today is day four. Since the afternoon of day two, I have been mostly sleeping or lying down. I’ve never experienced such debilitating fatigue. And even when I wake up from 12+ hours of sleep, I don’t feel rested or energetic. We are looking at my meds and seeing what, if any of them, are contributing to this. Most of them are just for the first 4 days, so hopefully it will improve a little. Last night I was unable to respond to text messages, it was that bad.

Jonathan has been doing almost everything on his own. Meals continue to be brought and we’ve had friends come by to entertain the kids for a couple hours here and there, which I know has been helpful, but it’s hard not being a fully functioning mother and partner. Hard to be in a position where getting their clothes out for them is all I can handle.

This morning as I walked down the stairs, I remembered the verse in 2 Corinthians 12:9 – ‘But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.’

When I am weak, He is strong. And I sure am weak right now. I’m not ready to gladly boast in my weakness, but I will try. Every once in a while I’ll think, what if I feel like this for the next four months? And get the feeling that this is forever, but I need to fight those lies. This is temporary. It’s a means to a cancer-free end, God willing. But ugh, it sucks feeling like this.

I’m sitting at my desk smelling the honeysuckle come through the open window next to me. If there was ever a time to be sick, this is it, when all of nature is bursting with beauty and color and gorgeous smells.

This is what comes blowing through my window every morning. The garden is due to all my parents’ hard work. 

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