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The rest of the story

June 17, 2008

I know I already blogged once today, but I’m much more awake now. I just got home from having dinner with some of my buddies. It was a good time. It’s nice that the older we get, the more open we’re able to be with each other. I often dream about what it would be like to be able to be completely honest with everyone about everything. I’m not talking about telling someone their pants really do make them look fat. I mean being able to tell anyone anything about myself and not be worried about what they think. In thinking about this I realize that I probably would have to draw the line somewhere. Some things I don’t tell people because I’m ashamed, and if I stopped being ashamed of anything then I feel that would be bad. But other things are good to tell. If for no other reason than for someone to learn from and have a good laugh at my stupid mistakes.

That being said, it was nice to be able to tell my parents something terrible and stupid I did and them not banish me from their house :-D.

I will now tell the drug test story. If you’re offended by stupidity, alcohol, drugs, or vomiting you might not want to read it. I would like to preface this by saying that throughout my college years, and especially while I was living in Europe, I was constantly exposed to weed. People offered it to me but I was never interested. It might’ve been because alcohol was still a new thing to me and enough for me to deal with. It might’ve been that I’d been raised to think that drug use is not a good way to spend your time or money. That it’s not good to let something control your mind. I also saw that all my friends that smoked were dreadfully dull when stoned. All those reasons made me never interested. That is, until one night about 3 years ago when I was sitting around being bored and stupid and drinking and someone offered me a joint. I took it but just took one puff on it, and as Bill Clinton claimed, I don’t think I even inhaled. I didn’t feel anything spectacular, and that was the end of it. Or so I thought.

During this time I had applied for a job at my current airline. Things began moving at an unexpected pace and within 5 days of my first interview I was going for my second one. After the second interview they gave me some paperwork and told me to go for a drug test. Everyone had already told me that once they drug test you it means you have the job. Then they’d always joke and say “Unless you fail the drug test (thigh slap. ha ha.)” I didn’t think I had anything to worry about since it was about a week and a half earlier, but I called said weed provider just to confirm. I was then informed that it can stay in your system for up to 30 days. This is the part where my day starts to get really terrible. Anger, panic, worry, and tears all ascend on me like the plague.

The next person I call is Adri. If she doesn’t know an answer, she can find it. I also call Jamie, who at this point I was still only on phone internet basis with (look how far we’ve come :-D). He’s another answer finder. He also works in the same type of field where clean drug tests are a good thing. Between the two of them I’m directed to GNC where I purchase one of those detox drinks. (Side note here: doing stupid things is expensive.) It’s about a gallon and grape flavored. I’ve also purchased a big bottle of OJ and cranberry juice – items also said cleanse one’s system.

[Just so you know, as I write this I question why I’m actually telling anyone what an idiot I am. But it’s been a while and now at least I can laugh at my own stupid mistakes. I think so anyway…]

I begin drinking these different concoctions. The detox bottle said you have to pee at least 3 times before you take the test. I’m still in my interview finest and am now trying to figure out how I’m going to drink all this and then kill enough time for it to pass through me. It’s not as easy as it seems. I went to the thriftstore down the road and wandered for a while and peed some. I was feeling terrible physically. I was feeling terribly mentally cause I was so worried about passing the test and so ashamed of myself for doing something so stupid. My stomach finally took over and decided that enough was enough and my really expensive detox drink, as well as what seemed like gallons of OJ and CJ came back up. I can’t imagine what someone would’ve thought as the lady in the business clothes pukes in the thriftstore parking lot in the early afternoon. I must’ve been a sight to see :-P.

The puking helped me realize that the nonsense had gone on long enough and I better just take the test. As we can see, I passed and now that is all just a distant, silly memory.

I would say that the moral of the story is not to smoke weed. If for no other reason than because you never know when you’ll have a major job interview and need to be drug tested. And if you do, the grape flavored drinks are absolutely disgusting. I also learned that my stomach cannot hold several gallons of liquid and evidently my organs cannot process fluids as quickly as I drink them.

This may be shocking and appalling to some of you. Some may not be surprised. I hope at least you’re amused, and can take comfort in the fact that I suffered for and have learned from my mistakes. 😛

I will amend this by saying that Jamie and I were actually real life friends at this point. He reminded me of this because shortly thereafter when I was doing my first trip I went to his house at 6am cause I didn’t have a suitcase and used his. it’s hard to keep up with how long this joy ride of a friendship has been going on :-).

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