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letting it all hang out

April 13, 2007

I can’t sleep. I need to be asleep because my morning is not too far off. I have too much on my mind and probably just haven’t been awake long enough to be going back to sleep. As much as I hate getting up early, I think these trips with the late duty ins every day are bad for me. I feel like I’ve been gone for about 5 days. All I did today was sit around in the room and eat too much lunch. It wasn’t even that good. I got dressed to go run but found out there was no gym or fitness room at the hotel. It was a nice day out but I’m not brave enough to go running around outside in cities I’ve never been to before. That is part of my frustration. I basically wasted my day. All I did was 2 flights today. I did try to file my taxes (yes, it’s getting late) but seem to be having issues. I seem to be having lots of issues these days.

I don’t know if it’s because change is in the air but I’m feeling very out of sorts and discombobulated. I’m worrying about money. There is never enough as it is without taking a break from getting paid. I was reminded yesterday that we are commanded to cast our cares on the Lord. It scares me how foreign that thought is to me these days. How I forget over and over to do that and haven’t gotten into the mindset of handling everything on my own and by my own means. Can’t say I’m even doing a good job of it either. I did have a wonderful conversation today that made me realize that part of my blahness these days is my lack of contact with those who I love and those who love me. It’s a catch 22. I don’t talk to people because I’m feeling blah, but talking to people is what is going to help me stop feeling blah. I had a really nice conversation with a lady on the way to Wichita the other day. We talked almost the entire flight (I only had a few passengers and they were sleeping). It was nice because I had some stuff I needed to unload and so did she. I can’t help but wonder where she is and how things will turn out for her.

Tomorrow is going home day. I’m glad. I wish I was going home to a clean room, but I’ve made progress in that direction. I cleared a bunch of stuff off my shelves and stuff, now I just have to take it where it goes. Hopefully that can happen this weekend.

I feel some better now. My eyes are tired and hopefully my mind will take the hint. I have to be leaving here at 635 and they have breakfast so I need to get down there in time to eat some. I need to make sure I go to the gym when I get home tomorrow so I don’t have the weight of wasting money on me as well. Tomorrow will be a good day just like every other day of my life because I am blessed and loved by the God of the universe and by many amazing people.

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