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April 26, 2006

I remembered what was really getting me down. Even more than rain and gray skies, more than being broke, and wasting time and energy. I found out recently that a couple I know and have respected and loved for many years is having serious problems. I don’t have much faith in relationships to begin with and seeing something like this happen really shakes me down deep. It makes me sad and hope that it really, somehow isn’t true. I know no relationship is perfect. Mine aren’t, my friends’ aren’t, my parents’ isn’t, none of my friend’s parents’ are. But you still like to think that it is possible to have a good relationship and make it last. That’s what scares me the most. It’s not getting dumped by some guy, getting cheated on by a boyfriend, or getting married and it falling apart right now. It’s being married for years and years, building a life together, having children together, starting to grow old together, and THEN it falling apart. As a young person I’d like to think that you get to a safe point where you know it’s gonna last forever, but it doesn’t seem that way. Even people that have been married 20 and 30 years get divorced. It’s just scary because you could marry the perfect person and 20 years down the road they get that itch or whatever it is. They decide they don’t love you anymore. How can you ever really know that isn’t going to happen? It’s such a risk. It’s one thing to see a bad marriage collapse. It’s almost expected. But it’s another thing to see one that you thought was as close to perfect as you can get fall apart. I guess you never really know what’s going on on the inside though… Good times.

On a lighter note, what is it about new shoes that makes you want to wear them ALL the time?? Even while cleaning your room. It’s so much fun. At least that makes me happy.

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