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bottled happiness

April 11, 2006

I know a lot of people think they can find happiness in bottles of different sorts but that’s not what I’m talking about. I wish that there was a way to bottle up a good feeling, the smell in the air, the feel of the breeze, the feel of a happy heart, a beautiful day, and save it for when you really, really need it. It’s crazy how one day you can feel on top of the world, and the next you are hanging on to happiness by your fingernails. It’s about to slip out of your grasp but you know how good it feels and keep hanging on, sinking your nails in deeper, just to keep a little bit of it. Happiness somehow isn’t the same when you’re having to fight for it.

I hate when I get my feelings hurt and I’m not sure why they’re hurt. I hate when your insurance goes down because you turn 25 and then way back up because you live in an expensive county. I hate how you think you have your money under control, bills are paid, and something else comes up. I hate when I sleep too late and waste part of a beautiful day like today.

I love that no matter what I do, or how far I feel from God, He still loves me. I love that He loves me enough to have me cross paths with someone who will remind me that He loves me exactly when I’m feeling my lowest. I love April in Georgia. I love being outside, walking around the lake, smelling the trees and water, feeling the sun on my shoulders, and seeing all the different birds, the squirrels scurrying around doing their thing, people playing with their dogs, fishing, and spending time together or alone. I love that I can call my dad and ask him for advice about my car. I love running into someone unexpectedly and what seems to be a total coincidence turns out to be God’s perfect timing in so many ways. This reminds me that despite all my bad timing, I’m not in control of things, and the One who is actually knows what He’s doing and isn’t trying to screw me over. I love taking a shower after you get good and dirty, and how fresh and clean and renewed you feel. You appreciate the cleanness so much more when you’ve been really dirty. I love that my list of things that I love is longer than things that I hate. Now I feel like I have a good hand grip on happiness instead of it just being at the edge of my fingernails.

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